The Day I Rued My Existence
by PaintingMornings
Summary: (Another, darker, take at the 'OC in the Hetalia world') Fate is a four letter word. You cannot choose it; it had been laid out at your feet, from your very first breath, woven through the threads of time until your very last breath. To the young and old; to the rich and poor. The question is not what is your fate... the question is, are you willing to accept it?


My breath was coming in ragged hacks; bile was rising in my throat, and a bulb hung delicately on a wire several inches above my head, creating a hazy halo of flickering, artificial, yellow light. It lazily threaded through my blonde hair that hung like curtains over my head, bathing it in a sick light.

It's been a while; I've been bound to this chair, in this dark room. Other than that cursed bulb there wasn't any other light I could see; but, judging by the dark shadows cast by the light that snaked up the walls, it was a fairly small room, with its single door looming in the corner to my far right. I couldn't see what else was in the room; I didn't _want _to see what else was here.

I kept my head hung low, my eyes boring into the concrete below me.

Just to keep away the nightmares.

I had been slipping in and out of consciousness; I've lost track, and it's almost become surreal. All I can really gather was that I've been in this room since the past few resurfaces.

Before that? I really don't remember.

How? How was I supposed to know?

I wanted to give up. End it, right then and there.

But...

But I had gone too far.

It...

It was too late.

_What to do, what to do..._

There was nothing to do... nowhere to go. Nowhere to run away.

It was pathetic. Absolutely, completely, just down-to-earth _pathetic_. My situation- though at this point, I wondered, was it even fit to simply be called a _situation?_- was just so hopeless, so wrong, just so _pathetic_. A bitter chuckle made its way up my throat, choking me, mocking me. I quickly extinguished it, shoving it away from me. This was no place, no time, to laugh.

But what else was there to do? _Cry?!_

The blasted place- I've wasted all my tears here. There was no purpose to it. It was all just a _waste._ There was nothing else to _do._

Just sit there... and wait for my death.

I felt the laugh weave its way into my lungs again. These people- ha!- they wouldn't let me die, with what I have, with what I knew. It would be foolish of them! They managed to keep my broken body alive; there was no doubt they would continue to. Keep the fucking teenager alive, that was probably the goal of the whole twisted thing, especially after all they've been through.

_But what have _I _been through?!_

The question tore at me, it was almost physically painful. It probably was, now that I thought about it.

I am a human.

_I am a human._

Wasn't I?

_Wasn't I?!_

But-

But any human, no matter how twisted, no matter how bad, no matter how terrible and evil and messed up they could be- _didn't deserve this!_

_I _didn't deserve this!

Why- _why?!_

Oh, God, it's happening again, it's happening again. I'm slipping. I'm losing my footing. There is darkness underneath- there is darkness _everywhere_- there is nowhere to fall, no foothold for me-

_No! _I gritted my teeth, digging my wrists into the ropes that bound me. _You're doing it again. Remember, remember... remember who you are._

A flood of memories overtook me.

_I am Haylin. Haylin Riddle. I have a brother- a _twin _brother- Warren. I have my mom, Clara, my dad, Adan. I have my friends, Justice, Jamie, and Alex..._

_And... _a choke clogged my throat.

_They're gone because of me._

_They must be dead because of me._

_I'm a terrible excuse for a friend, a daughter, a sister, I deserve to-_

_Not again! _My breath began to pick up, I hear my teeth groan as they grind against one another. It's happening, I'm doing it again. I felt the raw emotion threaten to sweep me away, and, against my will, a ragged whimper escaped from my lips, and a single tear plummeted to the floor.

_Damn it! Damn it all! _More tears gathered behind the first one, tracing the edges of my cheeks. _No. No. No. No-_

"So how has our little girl fared so far?"

The voice jerked me back into reality- not that I wanted it to. Or did I? Both places were hell, just as bad as the other. Death- and probably the ultimate destruction of my ever-crumbling sanity- was inevitable in both damned places.

I heard the door creak open, the metal hinges letting out a high groan of protest, then the soft click as he closes it again behind him, echoing through the entire room and sending a chill down my spine.

His voice came to me again- smooth and cold and sharp as ice, prickling the hot humid air that hung around me. Sickening.

"Ah." I heard the rustle of the folds of his stiff suit as he bent over to inspect me, wisely keeping his distance from whatever monster I had become.

"So you're finally beginning to break, eh? After all this time?" I could tell he was looking at the tears. _Stupid tears. Stupid idiot. I'm not weak. I'm not going to break to you._

"That's good. So it all wasn't just a waste of time and effort, after all." I heard the slightest hint of a chuckle in his words, that twisted smile interlaced within his voice.

I feel cold fingertips brush my chin, and I shiver as they pulled and tugged my head upwards, my eyes meeting two icy orbs, black pinpoints gazing into mine as he inspected me silently. I bit my lip, holding back a scream.

He just smiled, tilting his head ever so slightly, his brown hair falling delicately over his face like the drapes of a curtain, his bright eyes peeking out through the threads in another silent laugh.

"You cannot get over my beautiful face, no?" he said quietly, the edges of his lips twitching upwards in the smallest ghost of a smile. He seemed nonchalant and unconcerned, watching me with half-lidded eyes, looking as if he really didn't care- as if this was just some little offhand thing he had to do, nothing important in his agenda.

_The face of the devil_. I wanted to slap that ugly smirk off his face, but my arm stayed lifeless behind my back.

_Am I really just a _pawn _in your blasted scheme?! _I wanted to scream, right then and there- right at that filthy face of his. _Even with what I have? Even with what I can do for you and your stupid brainless loonies?!_

_Even if I am a living, breathing, human being with a soul and a spirit and- and feelings?!_

_Are you really that heartless?!_

Now that I thought about it...

He probably was.

The was a burning silence that stretched on for several moments, and I could feel his gaze boring into my own, an itch at the back of my eyes.

I wanted to do something- anything at all. Run away, bit back with a snarky remark, spit in his face- but I stayed silent, staring back at him with dull eyes, my mouth wisely kept shut, definitely keeping my thoughts and knowledge locked away from him, away from his reach.

_What would I have done before? _I wondered vaguely,_ before this entire facade? _

Would I have done any of that...? Would I have tried to escape, try and be the heroine for probably the whole world? Be the heroine for _myself?_

It's possible- I would have fought my way out of it, someway, somehow.

But now...

I knew. It was all pointless. Unneeded. What would I have gained?

There was absolutely nothing, _nothing_, I could do- but just keep my silence.

"So." He straightened to his feet, and unwittingly my eyes follow his to see his face looming high over mine, dark and distant. The smile had evaporated from his face, and was now replaced with a deep frown that cut through his features.

"You will tell me all you know," he continued on, his voice lowering, sharpening with a threatening darkness as he narrowed his eyes at me. "You will be a good girl, yes?"

_Why should I be? What will you do if I don't? Punish me? _Kill _me? _I almost wanted to laugh again.

"No, I will not." In an attempt to be at least mildly brave I had opened my mouth in reply, my raw voice coming out in a pathetic croak.

I was almost surprised. How long has it been since I've last spoken? Days? Weeks? _Months?_

His eyebrows furrowed slightly and the temperature around us seemed to drop several degrees. A burning evil swelled within his eyes, anger flaring up within him, and it took all my willpower not to flinch away as he suddenly brought his face mere inches from mine, his hot breath bitter on my nose.

"Yes," he murmured, getting down to one knee, his voice dangerously low. "You will. Am I correct? You know what will happen..."

"Why.. why should I?" I croaked out, managing a mildly brave look as I stared defiantly at him. To prove.

I was not weak.

"I... I don't care. I'm not going to do it." I sound pathetic. "Just hit me with your best shot." I mustered a smile, and I almost let out a chuckle. "I-I can take it."

But could I? There was only one way to find out.

His features darkened, the frown on his face deepening as he got back up to his feet.

"Very well then," he said, before I heard an ear-splitting scream- which I realized came from my own throat- a flash of blinding white and blood red, and a screaming pain that vibrated throughout my entire being, tearing me to shreds before I fell into the swallowing darkness.

* * *

...

* * *

Who knew being kept in a facility- away from the rest of society- for hours, to days, even weeks, can change your state of mind so dramatically?

I didn't- but it was probably already known, from the very beginning.

I admit- I'm naive. I... I didn't know. Justice- she would've called me an idiot, laughing as if it were all just a little joke, just some silly game of hers.

"Of course you'd be changed!" she would scoff, crossing her arms and staring accusingly at me with one eyebrow up. "It's kinda obvious, 'cause, think about it- it's isolation from the rest of society! You'd have a lot of time to, ya know- reflect back on your life, since there's no one and nothing to distract you. You'd be alone with your thoughts, you see what I'm saying? Even for a few hours, you'd have a new mind set." She'd then laugh. "Ah, but it isn't like it's ever gonna happen to you, Haylie!"

Haylie... just a few days ago, I'd be scowling at her for her act of immaturity. Seriously? _Haylie_? Was that the best nickname she could've thought of? If she were going to give me a nickname she should've at least more considerate and choose something more practical and not as stupid and childish as _Haylie._

Oh, but now...?

Justice...

_Why..._

Honestly- what did I do to deserve this? Am I a cruel person? I'm not a cruel person- or, at least, I don't believe I am. Am I?

_No..._

_Am I?_

_Who..._

_What?_

What am I?

Where am I?

_Who _am I?

* * *

...

* * *

It's important for me to remind myself of who I am. I learned that it really helps in keeping your sanity in check, albeit somewhat.

I am... Haylin. Haylin Riddle. I'm only sixteen- sixteen!- years of age. Like my twin brother, Warren. And my friends, Alex and Justice, and Justice's little sister, who's only fourteen.

I... I lived a simple life, to tell you the truth. Nothing, exactly, was of significance. I was not rich, I was not poor; I was not the most intelligent person out there, but I was neither the most idiotic; I'm not the most beautiful, though I am not of the ugly.

...Average, possibly, was the closest word, to myself.

But...

_But..._

Why me?

Why _me_?

I- I didn't want this!

_I didn't want this!_

_I didn't want to be thrown into the Hetalia world!_


End file.
